[In the civilized chat room where I normally vent, there is an ongoing debate about the reality of global warming. I am not a person with clustered values - I very much believe that global warming is taking place, and, in consequence, it would be a good idea for the well being of mankind if it developed other energy sources besides burning biomass products. Can't hurt, anyway.
At any rate, I am for that reason a big advocate of nuclear power. Though it is undeniable that there are serious problems with nuclear energy, my thought is that, like all novel technologies, solutions will develop as its use becomes widespread, i.e., is 'fully implemented'. One of the other posters, a very witty and thoughtful guy, took me to task, noting that nuclear energy has been in use for over 50 years. Well, that is not the same thing in my view as full implementation. The following skit is my longer riposte.
In another universe, far, far away. June, 1901. A committee room in Washington. Staffers, congresspersons, etc. No press, as this is only a routine meeting of the Department of Transportation. A lone individual sits, facing the Committee. Vice President Debs speaks.]
Debs: Mr. Ford, I regret to tell you that this Department simply cannot authorize funding for your proposal. There are just too many unanswered technological questions.
Ford: What do you mean? What questions?
Debs: Almost too many to address. But to name one, these horseless carriages of yours -
Ford: I prefer the term automobiles.
Debs (shrugging): Whatever - these 'automobiles', as you would have it, can carry only a limited fuel supply. Any trip beyond a few dozen miles is as a practical matter impossible. For this nation to make any serious investment in such vehicles -
Ford: I appreciate that, but I think as the number of automobiles increases, it is entirely possible that some business will see an opportunity in establishing fuel depots or stations of some sort.
(A rumbling guffaw goes through the room.)
Debs (smiling sympathetically): Please, Mr. Ford. These horseless - automobiles - have been with us for over a decade now. It is fully implemented and understood technology. There are over 5,000 of them in the nation. Do you see any sign of some vigorous business man pursuing the notion of fuel depots?
Ford: Well, no, but the installed base is so small that -
Debs: And where do you suppose such an entrepreneur would obtain the fuel for these mythical depots? You are not seriously suggesting that the petroleum producers will replace their kerosene business with refinery for this - ah - ah -ah -
Ford: 'Gasoline.'
(The chuckles grow louder.)
Debs (barely suppressing a giggle): Of course. Gasoline. So you think mythical oil refineries would come into existence as suppliers for these mythical fuel depots?
Ford: Yes. Possibly. If the demand grew big enough.
Debs: Then why don't they exist right now? Everyone knows what a horseless -
Ford: Automobile.
Debs: Whatever - automobile is. These machines have been around for years. If these issues can be resolved, why haven't they been?
Ford: Well, one reason may be is that the regulations of this department are so confining that -
Debs (sharply): I hope you are not showing contempt for this Department.
Ford (to himself): The chairman is, of course, entitled to hope.
Debs: What was that?
Ford: Nothing. I can see which way this is going.
Debs (now impatient): Well, I will leave you to the mythical depots and the mythical fuel. Even if they did exist, where could the cars drive? They are much heavier than ordinary buggies. They seriously rut roads and byways. It's a major concern.
Ford: Major cities have paved roads now. Perhaps smaller cities, and towns will do the same. Perhaps even between cities.
(A roar of laughter.)
Debs (joining in the hilarity): You are seriously suggesting that this nation will see paved roads from coast to coast? In small municipalities and country roads? Just to provide access for these horseless carriages of yours? Really, Mr. Ford!
Ford (wearily): Yes, really. Times change. Technology advances. Necessity actually is the mother of invention.
Debs: Well, like any other mother, it should have some idea of how the children will be raised before she births them. We haven't even discussed the design problems of your invention, the possibility of accident, collisions with other drivers, the narrowness of most alleys -
Ford: There is no need for that, Mr. Vice-President. As for the vehicle itself, I believe this is a good design, but of course improvements will be made as we obtain experience of the users. There is a lot of engineering that remains to be done. And as for the rest, I can envision an entire culture of signals, customs,, manners, etc - as
Debs: As these machines come into wider use. Of course. The problem, Mr. Ford, is that these machines have been in use for over a decade, and there is no sign of the emergence of any of this stuff. This Department is going to have to insist that you work out all the problems BEFORE any additional funds are expended. It is a reasonable request, Mr. Ford. There are profound questions of public safety involved here. We can't take any chances here, none at all.
Ford: I know there are dangers. There are always dangers. But has it occurred to you that this institutional myopia may cause more harm than it saves?
Debs (sharply): Enough. You were close to contempt before. The Committee has no more time to waste on this nonsense. If you are able to formulate solutions to all these issues, we might reconsider. But, like any sensible bureaucracy, we must see fully worked out solutions BEFORE we authorize substantial funding. Good day, Mr. Ford.
(Ford rises stiffly and leaves.)
Debs: God knows we can do without that type. Now who's next? I doubt he can provide anything as rich as that. Horseless carriages, indeed!
Clerk: Actually, chief, it might be even better. A guy named Alfred Beach. Thinks he can honeycomb Manhattan with a bunch of tunnels. Callls the idea a 'subway'.
(A roar of laughter.)
Debs: Oh, wow! WOW!! Send him in.
[Curtain.]
Scene 2.
The Ford Household, that night. Ford's wife in the parlor.
Ford enters, exhausted.
Wife: How did it go, my darling?
Ford: Not so good. They laughed at me. I have to provide answers for problems I can't solve until I can cope with them in practice. It's just a hopeless bureaucracy. Sometimes I think the day General Grant met that Marx fellow was a really bad day for the the US. (Sniffs). But that smells good. What is it?
Wife: Latkas and brisket. Rabbi Goldstein's wife brought them by - to thank you for the donations to the temple and the Zionist Foundation.
Ford: Ah, he didn't have to do that. He knows how much I believe in those causes. At any rate, I guess that's the end of the horseless carriage.
Wife: Don't you mean 'automobile'?
Ford (looks at her sharply, then subsides): Whatever.
A silence.
Wife (timidly): You could always move to a parallel time track, you know.
Ford: Parallel time track?
Wife: Yes. One a little more sympathetic to men like you. With clearer horizons.
Ford: Can it be done?
Wife: Yes. I've looked into it. It's possible. (Very timidly). Of course, you would have to pay a karmic debt. You'd become an anti-Semitic asshole there.
Ford (startled): What, me? An asshole?? Anti-Semitic?
Wife: Yes. But you could realize your own vision there.
Silence.
Ford: It's a thought.
Curtain.
[N.B. Alfred Beach actually built the first small New York subway in 1869, without objection. So gimme a cookie.]
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